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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23049925">Destiny is so literal, it hurts.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finikyfaefinwe/pseuds/Finikyfaefinwe'>Finikyfaefinwe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cute, Destiny, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Funny, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is Bad at Communicating, Humor, Light Angst, M/M, Screw Destiny, literal destiny</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 05:55:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,829</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23049925</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Finikyfaefinwe/pseuds/Finikyfaefinwe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>During the infamous mountain scene Geralt blames Jaskier for all his problems. </p><p>Yeah it really was all Jaskiers fault.<br/>Cause Jaskier is literally Geralts destiny.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia &amp; Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, mention</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>106</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Destiny is so literal, it hurts.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaskier had watched as the sorceress walked away in anger, he did not hear the entire conversation. He could see his witcher watch her go sadly. He waited till Geralt was alone, before he decided to fully approach. Having silently anticipating his witcher needed some kind of comfort he decided to lighten the mood. </p><p>“Phew what a day I imagine your probably..”<br/>
Geralt turned around from where he stood brooding his face enraged “Damnit Jaskier why is it whenever I find myself in a pile of shit these days its you shovelling it”<br/>
“well that's not fair” cried the bard.<br/>
“The child suprise, the djinn. All of it!” spat out the witcher “if life could give me one blessing it would take you off my hands” </p><p>Geralt turned from the bard to have a seething brood over the landscape. Silence seemed eternal between the bard and the witcher. As soon as the words left his mouth Geralt regretted them. After all the bard had been with him for many years, and was one of the few in his life that he could call friend. He was too stubborn though to turn around and say im sorry. He could almost feel the heartbreak of the bard behind him. Well almost, he was very much wrong about the heart break he realized his when he heard Jaskiers laugh. It started as a giggle, and then went into a full on gut laugh.</p><p>Geralt turned around in confusion, there was his bard holding his stomach as he laughed heartily, tears rolling down his face as he laughed.<br/>
“oh my word your face, you have to see your face. Wow” </p><p>“Jaskier?” asked the witcher as his anger faded and concern crossed over him, had he finally broken his bard?</p><p>“Alright, alright, I admit it. That was my fault, all of it, the child surprise, the djinn, all of it, but come on!” the bard made a wide gesture. </p><p>“what the fuck Jaskier” Geralt said his mouth agape in confusion.<br/>
“you know your just so damn cute, like all this time going around always saying fuck destiny. Your a witcher Geralt you were born under a sign of destiny, we follow you around your entire life. Also do you know what Geralt?” the bard crossed the distance between them raising both his palms he slowly ran them up and down Geralts chest “you know when you say fuck destiny like all the time? Well destiny fucks you right back!” Jaskier reached up to grasp the witchers head in his hands drawing his face closer to his. Gearlts lips pressed thin, the anger in his stomach flaring again.<br/>
The bard continued his rant “that's right Geralt, I have been fucking with you right back because you don't play by the rules”<br/>
Jaskier leaned forward as if to kiss the witcher then stopped smiling, he turned his head teasing and toying. Not for the first time in their many years together did the thought of Jaskier not being completely human cross Geralts mind. He never mentioned it before, or even asked about it, knowing that if Jaskier wanted to hide what he truly was there was a good reason for it. Now he was a bit curious, and concerned in the same instance.<br/>
“what are you?” growled out Geralt.<br/>
“oh, you still haven’t figured it out, why I follow you around? Dog you like a lost puppy? Why I don't age? why all the weird stuff happens when I am around? Hmm... no answer? That's right Geralt I am destiny in human form”<br/>
“what?” the withcher stepped back from the bards embrace stunned.<br/>
“well not THE destiny. There are different destiny's I am your current one.” the bard smiled with a wide gesture “I decided it was easier to follow you around in physical form because your so damn cute, all your brooding, and dark ascetics, and damn look at you” jaskier gestures up and down Geralts form.<br/>
“mmm, I could bounce a coin right off that witchers ass of yours, I have been a destiny to many witcher but you...your so much fun to play with”<br/>
“you think this is a game?” spat out Geralt, ready to punch Jaskier. Geralts literal destiny in the face. </p><p>“Mostly yeah. And do you know what Geralt?” Jaskier said. Geralt had heard enough he was not going to stand here and take this. He has refused destiny and turned away from destiny all his life. Geralt was most defiantly not going to stop doing that now. Even if  it now has the form of a beautiful but slightly annoying bard. Geralt walked past Jaskier and started to head down the mountain. Destiny persistently followed, dogging the witchers steps down the mountain side.<br/>
“I'm not going to leave you, I'm going to see this all out to the end, because you are a bastard. A real asshole” said Jaskier as he hurried down the hillside, surprisingly for once keep going pace with the witcher.<br/>
Geralt kept picking up pace walking faster down the mountain.</p><p>“I am not even your first destiny even” Jaskier said, now following what was now a light jog.<br/>
“your first destiny quite after one week when you refused to listen to her, your second one cried and has not been the same since. Oh and the one right before me has not talked in decades because of you Geralt” Jaskier pointed at the witcher back.</p><p>Geralt was now in a dead run down the moutain, almost stumbling to try to get away from Jaskier the ever stubborn and persistent destiny followed close behind “you can try to run from me. Try to hide. But I'm never going to give you up”  </p><p>Sweat poured off of Geralts brow, his foot caught on a rock. He pitched forward down the hill in a roll. Hitting a few trees on the way down, decimating saplings and bashing into stones. He only stopped when a the mountain ran flat for long enough to slow his momentum. Jaskier had skipped after him, stopping right before him. Geralt spit out dust as he sat up, glaring over to blue eyes that looked down upon him.<br/>
“leave me the fuck alone”  He growled out the white haired witcher.<br/>
“I cant do that, and you know it. Like I said before, all witchers get their own personally tailored destiny to follow them around until they are 6 feet under, or become some monster shit somewhere whatever comes first” Jaskier walked over holding out a hand to Geralt.<br/>
Geralt grabbed Jaskiers hand and pulled him down closer so they were eye level before letting out a low threat “leave me the fuck alone or else”.<br/>
“hmm... .. you don't scare me, besides i'm an idea, you can't kill an idea” Jaskier with surprising strength pulled Geralt to his feet. He started brushing dust off of Geralt, starting at his shoulders and going down to his chest, his legs. Geralt tensed more as the bards soft hands brushed against his bottom. Geralt was hurt, sad, disgusted, confused, and so many other emotions at once, which he had not felt for a good long time. If he could cry at that moment he would. He clearly must of looked distraught, because he heard a sigh come from Jaskier who reached up smoothing the hair from the witchers face. “I do feel for you Geralt, more then the others before you. Your just..” Jaskier bit his lower lip “difficult” </p><p>Geralt let out a grunt. Looking away from Jaskier off into the distance, he began to wonder to himself, how much of his life was truly his or some higher being playing him like a puppet. As if he could read minds (which he very might be able to) the bard spoke up. “I don't control everything, I can only influence you, I lay out two possible paths and you then decide” The bards gentle hands brought back the witchers gaze to him. “your child surprise was a bigger scheme that has been going on for centuries, that had nothing to do with witchers. Witchers are unique, because you really don't factor in the greater scheme of destiny. Which is why you get your own to follow closely behind. Think of it as the wrench that is thrown into the greater cosmos to spice the pot of primordial ooze. Also FYI my plan Geralt your destiny was to save Parvetta, and then when her mother asked what you wanted in return. You my white wolf were going to get a big heap of gold in the end, but nooooo you had to invoke the law of suprise, which by the way is one of the things I cannot directly make you do”<br/>
“is that right?” Geralt scoffed “I highly doubt that considering that the law of surprise is all about destiny”<br/>
“well it is, I might get to decide what comes of it, but I cannot invoke it”<br/>
“so you decided on a child?”<br/>
“ahh yes well, I thought you would make an incredible dilf, but seeing as you lack” Jaskier looked down to a certain part of anatomy hidden behind black clothes “that which is needed to make a child, I had to improvise” Jaskier smiled back into Geralts eyes.<br/>
“what the hell is a dilf” Geralt said not quite sure he truly wanted to know.<br/>
The bard smiled “wouldn’t you like to know” Slowly the bards fingers traced the lines on Geralts face tenderly. “now I might have admittedly put the djinn there, but I did not expect you to ask to be bound to Yennifer. I wanted you come to realize that I actually meant something to you, which I know is very ,very hard of a witcher to admit they want someone else” Jaskier inhaled Geralts scent “but here we are” he said before gently leaning forward pressing his lips to the witchers. Geralt let his eyes close as he tasted what was Jaskier on his lips. He felt the rush of butterflies in his stomach, something he had only felt once before, years ago when he was a young witcher in training. He might have called it love. As quickly as the kiss started it ended, leaving Geralt dizzy and breathless. </p><p>Jaskier reached down grabbing onto the witchers hand and smiled.<br/>
“now enough of this brooding bullshit” gentle fingers traced along the edge of larger harder hands “lets do what you always do and get shit faced. Forgetting your woes of the world” destiny suggested. </p><p>Jaskier turned and started to lead Geralt down the mountain. Geralt tried to stay put at first, he tried digging his heels in and not move, but destiny is a very strong force as he found out that day, and reluctantly he had to follow the bard down the mountain. </p><p>A little ways down “and who knows, I might actually let you fuck me” added Jaskier with a wink.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I watched the moutain scene. read the 100+ stories about this and thought to myself, how to make this somewhat hilarious and unorthodox. Jaskier being a literal destiny. from there I do what I normally do writing fics, I write the important parts and some talking and fill out the rest till it resembles something that is readable.  I wrote it a bit more serious then most the humor I ever wrote. I still the image of Jaskier being a destiny chasing after Geralt hilarious.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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